Monday, 11 November 2019

Part One - An Overview Of My Twenties : Now I've Turned Thirty (WTF)

November 3rd 2019 the day in which I said goodbye to my twenties and helloooo to a brand new chapter of my life. In all honesty I have no clue where the time has actually gone. On the one hand I'm looking forward to entering my thirties and starting again cliche I know and on the other I'm genuinely wondering how I even managed to make it this far.

 My twenties were filled with some of my best highs! There were weekends away and holidays with friends, far too much cheap shots being consumed, budget "hotels" if you can call some of them that (one of which i'm pretty sure was an actual barn - Location; somewhere in Greece/Animals were not included or harmed during our stay) and spending a large undisclosed amount of time on more rappers tour buses than i'd care to admit. #YIKES

Being young there's not much I really cared about, I wanted to live and experience as much as I could and following rules (what even are those?!) are the last thing on your mind. This is exactly how I lived. I feel you must learn from your own mistakes and just make them your life lessons. Ten years ago (ouch!) there wasn't the pressure on young people like there is nowadays (now you know I'm old as I sound like some preaching grandma ha) but Instagram didn't exist and Facebook was still relatively new and so I felt zero pressure to post pictures which only showed me in flattering light or angles. If photos from back in the day resurfaced of me in my many questionable outfit choices, high heels and the various hair colours and styles I tried, I'd literally just dieeee *Kourtney Kardashian Voice*

 I was young and living without a care in the world until suddenly I couldn't take it anymore and my world came crashing down. (Something I may go into further detail with in the future when I feel more comfortable to talk about it) Even after previous events in my life I was an outgoing and confident person. I enjoyed going out with friends and socialising. There wouldn't be a weekend that went by where I didn't have plans to do something.
 Fast forward to the age of 26 I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I had suffered for many years, in silence, before this 'official' diagnosis with feelings of deep sadness and anxiety and little self worth but it wasn't until I was told this that I really understood what I had been feeling all along.  I was consumed with so many emotions and predominately self destructing ones. I became less confident and opted to stay at home alone rather than going out.  It's not because I didn't want to, but rather I couldn't face it mentally or physically, and it really took its toll on me. This would dominate my life for years to come...

 I have since come to the realisation that all of the things I was dealing with and going through, were a huge contributor to my past failed relationships and friendships. Which i'll touch on in my next post.

Part Two : Friendships In My Twenties - & Where They Stand Now Im Thirty

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